Above: My mom and I at my Granny’s house. I was three, and she was forty. #GOODGENES
I might be biased, but I have the BEST mom. She’s loving, the best listener, gives great advice, and is the most caring person I know. She has a reputation for being everyone’s mom, whether she’s known them for 10 years of 10 minutes. She is also VERY opinionated and will always tell you what’s on her mind. ????My childhood friends still say things like, “I’ll never forget your mom’s advice…” or “I learned that from Lynn Keys!”
So, in celebration of Mother’s Day this weekend, I thought I would share 19 life and motherhood “lessons” from Lynn Keys. I hope this gives you a chuckle. ????
19 Life Lessons from My Mom
1. You should always apply perfume by spritzing one spray on your wrist, and then dabbing it on the back of your neck. Otherwise, it will be too strong and you’ll give everyone a headache. (And NEVER wear perfume on an airplane. HOW RUDE.)
2. If you can’t change your situation, change your attitude. Your bad mood is nobody else’s fault but your own!
3. Threatening to put bugs in your children’s food when they aren’t looking is a good way to make them behave.
4. EVERYONE should know how to prevent a toilet from overflowing. This will save you a lot of embarrassment in life. (Tip: All you have to do is turn the water knob on the wall under the toilet all the way to the right!)
5. You can do hard things.
6. You should always load the silverware face up in the dishwasher, or else it won’t get properly cleaned.
7. Learn how to cook. No excuses! Why? Because you must be self-sufficient. Sometimes you won’t be able to afford to go out, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to eat a delicious meal! Also, cooking is a great way to show your family you love them! (Also while we’re at it, why don’t you own a salad spinner? Buying pre-washed lettuce is a waste of money!)
8. Portion control is a healthy habit! Only eat until you’re full. Don’t feel pressured to clean your plate. Remember, there are two kinds of “waste.” There’s “waste” and “waist.” The kind that goes into the garbage can, and your actual waist. Either way, your food goes to one of them. ????
9. Spoil your children, but don’t spoil them rotten. When your children object to this, you can respond with,
“Well yes I have the money to buy you that, but I’m not going to. I love you too much.”
They will look back and appreciate this as adults.
10. Never go anywhere without your own bottle of water. You can never be too hydrated.
11. Let your kids learn lessons on their own, but be there for support in the background. For example, when they refuse to get dressed for school, just shrug and say, “okay!” and take them to school anyway. (“Oh you’ve decided you’re too embarrassed to go to school in your pajamas after all? I happen to have some spare school clothes right here. Would you like them? ????“)
12. When your small children develop a potty mouth and scream obscenities (like “all I wanted was some GD toothpaste!!!”) in the grocery store, this does not mean you’re a bad parent. It’s funny, and you have permission to laugh.
13. You should call farts “foofs”–this makes them sound less gross.
14. Always keep $20 in a secret compartment in your wallet, just in case of an emergency. You never know when you’ll need cash! (NO, the bar does not count as an emergency!)
15. Make your children eat whatever you’re eating for dinner. If they’re hungry enough, they’ll eat it. If they aren’t, they weren’t that hungry anyway. ????????♀️They’ll survive, and won’t grow up to be picky.
16. Ohhh, you’re bored? Why don’t you try cleaning something?
17. You are NOT your child’s friend. You are their parent! Good parenting is striking the right balance of trust, love, and fear. Friendship doesn’t come until adulthood. ????
18. The phrase, “I like your makeup” is an insult disguised in a compliment. Good makeup means nobody should be able to tell you’re wearing any.
19. Never ever ever let a day go by without asking, “do you know how much I love you”?